Is it rational to think it will be different with me?

Is it rational to think it will be different with me?
you can't take the play out of a player

I see her reflected in everything I see and do
The reflection on my wine glass reminds me
of the reflection of my eyes in hers
When she stares at me, I am vulnerable
her eyes searching the deepest darkest depths of my soul
she can read my every thought
she sees more about me than I can ever express

I want to love with the intensity I am capable of
to be stubborn like my Taurus moon
every night I dream about her and the potential we have
I think about the things we could do
....to each other mostly
When I wake it is usually followed by a brief depression
but then I remember that she still exists

I am screaming out at the top of my lungs:
Please fuck me!
Please love me!
Please... just hold me for one night.
Please.. we should probably just be friends.
Please.. don't stop.
Please... right there..
...... please.
I'm dreaming again.
Don't wake me up.

Maybe we could run away together
leave behind the broken pieces of
broken people who broke our hearts
We could pretend we aren't as defective as we are
glue back the remaining pieces
we could start all over again
I am a sexual person by nature
even though this medication lessens the urges

the problem now, is:

they say you're a player
a tease, a cheater
they tell me to stay away
i will only get hurt
but i am stubborn
and i like assholes
I sense a beautiful disaster.